I haven't written here in over one year.
We have had a very tough year, Helens cancer came back in August last year and she has been getting treatments ever since. It has been quite a lot of treatments and for some periods she has been quite ok, but now she has gotten much worse and she had an epileptic seizure one week ago.
The doctors are now convinced that there are no more treatments that will have much effect on the cancer. Treatment is now aimed at pain relief and a vague estimate is that she can live perhaps another 2-6 weeks, with increasing confusion and decreasing alertness.
Helens mind is already clouded, her memory is poor and she suffers greatly from confusion. She is not aware of how seriously ill she is and she is not in pain and her cheeky attitude still peeks out now and then. Her parents, sister and one brother have travelled here to Sweden, and she still recognizes everyone, and I am so happy that she has gotten a chance to see them before it is too late.
It is a strange feeling, the person in front of us in the hospital bed is 100% Helen, but still there is so much missing. And then the knowledge that soon she will not be there at all and that all we will be left with is the memories of her.
I am preparing a small book about Helens life. If you have any memory or story about Helen, if you have any greeting you want me to convey to her (I can also set up skype calls), or if you have any photo of her, then please email that to me at this address wordsformelly@hotmail.co.uk
Also send me an email on that address if you want a copy of the book when it is completed.
with many tears
Dan
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13 comments:
Hi Dan,
Sorry to hear the news. You haven't met me but I knew Melly back in varsity days and I am Matt's business partner.
I hope you know that your wife is an amazing person. The amount of cr@p life has thrown at her that she has endured, and oft triumphed over, is quite incredible.
We are all so blessed to have had her in our lives, lucky to have laughed with her, grateful to have been there in the tough times to cry with her, and most of all just lucky to have known her.
Peace to you, Tess and Matt in this ridiculously trying time.
Jamie Peers.
Hi Dan - please give my love to Melly, Tessa, Vernon & lots to you and your Mom and both families. DAN THE MAN - you have been truly wonderful - when we first heard Melly had met a Swedish chap via the internet we were all a bit suspect of just who or what you would turn out to be - but you are just proof of how amazing a person Melly is and proof of what good taste she has. Melly will face a rocky few weeks ahead and I send you both lots of hugs, strength and love. MAY EVERY SUNRISE HOLD MORE PROMISE, AND EVERY SUNSET HOLD MORE PEACE. I look forward to reading your book. Patty Pedlar
Hi Dan & all the family - such sad news - we can only hope & pray that when the time comes she will go peacefully - will always be remembered for her courage over the past years & what a blessing that she found you to love - Dan the man - you are very special - thinking of you all at this very sad & trying time - love eunice
gage
Hi Dan
My thoughts are with you and all the family.
Love
Cynthia Hetherington
Hi Dan
May the words of Kahil Gibran comfort you and the family:
"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart
and you shall see that in truth you are weeping
for that which has been your delight"
Love Leigh Sanders
Hi Dan
We went to boarding school with Helen and Matriculated with her so we spent majority or our high school days with her. She was a gentle soul and was always herself and never had to impress anyone and remained at that. She always attempted everything the best she could no matter what and it seems she took that strength with her on these unbelievably difficult journeys that she has had to endure together with you and your families. I know we are all very much shocked to hear this sad news and I believe her heart is at peace especially with all the love, effort and attention you have given to her. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your families and can only hope that Helen in some way feels our love and thoughts. Love Carla Brauer
Hi Dan
I was in the hostel during high school with Helen-Mary and we had loads of fun and got up to some mischief together... Will put together some of the stories for you. One that comes to mind right now was how we made up our own language! The only comment I remember from it was that "I am going to eat my radio" meant that I was going to do some homework...
My heart breaks to hear the suffering she is in and my prayers are with all of you at this time.
Blessings
Fiona
Hi Dan,
We are so sorry to hear your sad news.
I have not met you, but i have met Melly. I remember her as fun and quirky, sounds like she is still just that...amazing.
We have thought about you both often, and my sister, Helen always spoke about you both. I know Matt and Helen J love you both so much.
We will be thinking of you both in this time.
Jamie and Tebah Humphris, Sydney Australia. (Matt's brother-in-law)
I met Helen a few years ago on a message board and was immediately taken with the courage and personal strength she showed in the face of the tremendous challenges that have been thrown at her. I cannot tell you how saddened I am to hear about this latest news, but I hope she knows how lucky I, and everyone who met her on that board, are to know her.
-V
From the moment I met Melly, I liked her immensely. Such razor sharp wit delivered from such a sweet and innocent face was a surprising delight. I could be as wicked as I wanted, and she would match me comment for comment. She had such a unique way of looking at things that she often made me sit back and think and re evaluate.
She was one of the main high lights of my weekly trips home to Ficksburg, and I could always tell when my mom was on the phone to Melly as the conversation would be filled by shocked gasps from mom, followed by enormous uncontrollable laughter.
My mom would always light up when she spent time with Melly, as would I, it was as if she were a talisman against the dark, chasing away depression and unhappiness, leaving in her wake only sunshine and light.
Once, after discussing Scientology and the founders comment of " You don't get rich writing science fiction. If you want to get rich, you start a religion. " Melly came up with the idea of starting a cult. We both figured that if we wanted to get rich, that was the way to go! We spent many hours discussing strategy, what the founding principles of our cult would be, and how exactly to brainwash our followers effectively so that they would turn all their material possessions over to us! What fun we had, comfortable in our knowledge of our mutual acceptance and adoration, knowing that no matter how outrageous or scandalous our conversations were, that we at least, would never think any less of the other (in fact, it probably made us adore each other all the more for it!)
One of my favourite memories of time spent with Melly, was the tradition of Movie Marathons that she started. It became our habit to have Movie Marathons on special occasions (although we would do them at other times too, it was just so much fun!) It would be a whole day affair, mom would cook a fabulous meal, we would take our positions on out respective couches, and the marathon would commence. This is a tradition that my mother and I still hold on to to this day on our birthdays. It is our way of celebrating; although, up until now, I have not been able to watch a single episode of Big Love without Melly, it just doesn't feel right to watch it without her, and I have been waiting all these years to watch it with only her again.
When she asked me to be Godmother to her child, my joy and honour at being asked knew no bounds, and with the tragedy after, my grief was immense, but nowhere near Melly's, but with that amazing strength of hers she continued on, providing comfort to us, as only Melly would.
I am so happy that Mel met Dan, what an incredible guy, and he fit right in, bringing his own wicked sense of humour and infectious charm to our tight knit little family.
Now, here I sit, with the truth very slowly setting in that I may never see Melly again, and my brain keeps refusing to accept that possibilty. I have always had the strongest belief that she would pull through in true Melly style, and now my soul feels as though a large chunk of it is being ripped away. I cannot imagine a world where she does not exist.
I am so crushed, and I could not even begin to comprehend what you, Dan and Tessa and the rest of the family must be experiencing.
I wish I could see my friend one last time. I miss her so much.
My thoughts and love and prayers to you all.
With the greatest of affection and adoration
Alessia Florio &
Fozie Florio
I am heart broken to read this. I had hoped with everything it would turn out differently for both of you. She is an amazing person. I have always admired and wondered at the strength she showed in such difficult, impossible circumstances. The love she showed for both of your sons was inspiring -- the fight she put up to give Carl a chance was incredible. I hope there is a place where she can be with her boys again -- hold them and cuddle them. Like she and both those boys deserve. If there is any justice in this Universe, it will happen somehow.
Thinking of you. Sending strength.
Dan,
It's been a week since I heard the news that your sweet Melly will soon be leaving us. I'm so sad and I think it is ridiculously unfair what you all have endured together.
I'll never forget that even after Melly was sick, she still texted and emailed me - always asking about me and my life and how I was doing. Even after you lost Carl she sent me a wonderful, thoughtful baby gift when Fearne Mei was born.
That was Helen - so thoughtful, so funny, so bright, so loving. If anyone was ever born to be a mother it was her, and I think she mothered me a little. I'm going to miss her very much, and I think of all of you: Victor, Carl, Helen and you Dan often. If you ever fancy a visit to Canada you have a place to stay with us.
sending you much much love and hoping for peace to come.
Pamela, Dave and Fearne Mei
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