Sad news

The morning of Saturday 11 October I was sitting in a Starbucks in London, I couldn't get an internet-connection, but I wrote the below blog-post and thought I'd post it later.
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This week I have been in London, to meet with my colleagues in getmein.com. I have also met up with some old friends, had some nights in pubs and walked around a bit in my old neighbourhood. Last night I met with a lot of me ex-colleagues from OTC/lastminute.com, and that was great, so many nice people and so many memories, stories and laughs. My head was a bit sore this morning :) I missed a few people there though, where were you, Tim, Colin, Rob, James, Shan, Alan?
It's only been three months since I left London, so many things have changed, and even though my life was great before it is simply even better now :) I am a very happy person :) I knew that before, but it became so much more clear last night when I was telling my old friends about all new things in my life.
But coming back to London, going to cosy pubs, walking in my old streets and favorite (book)shops, also made me realise how much I love London and the life and the pulse here, and remember all the fun I've had here. For the current, new stage in my life perhaps London is not the best place to live, but I wouldn't be surprised if I we'll move back here again sometime later in life :)
Last weekend I was at my brother's house and I was playing Playstation with his 6 year old, Simon, and I was just thinking that this is so great, this is what I want to do, play and do things with my child, a small person that I get to try to mold into a human being :)
I may not be an exemplary role model in everything I do, but I'll make up for that with enthusiasm and love :)
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Now when I am posting this it is Tuesday 14th October, I am in Durban, and everything has changed.
There are many details, many emotions and feelings, and I won't go into all of them here, but late on the Friday evening Helen went into labor, from the Saturday morning I was kept informed of the events, during the Saturday they tried to suppress it, but on the Sunday morning (as I was flying back from London to Sweden) things got worse and Helen had an emergency Caesarean and a boy was delivered at 9.07, in the 28th week of pregnancy, only 820 grams. Normally there is a very good prognosis in this case, but the baby was also suffering from an infection, had probably been for more than a week, and three hours later he passed away.
At this time I was in my mothers flat in Malmö. At 20.00 Sunday evening I flew out from Copenhagen on a lastminute ticket, for what must have been the longest and most terrible journey of my life, and arrived in Durban at 13.00 on the Monday, where Helens dad picked me up and took me to see Helen in the hospital.
Helen is doing physically ok apart from being sore from the surgery. Emotionally we are of course both struggling, but it is so much better now when we can deal with this together. Being so far away as this happened was the worst experience I've had.
So in those 24 hours from Saturday to Sunday my perfect world changed dramatically.
Now, after the initial shock has passed, I realise that there are still many very good elements left in our lives, it is not all falling to pieces. And the doctors have assured us that there is no damage at all to Helen, and nothing should stop us from having another baby.
I've seen him now in the funeral home, and he is a perfect boy in all ways, he looks very much like me.
He was conceived while we lived in the Victoria area of London, so we have decided to give him the name Victor. But in our hearts he will of course always be Balthazar :) *Dan smiles in between all the tears*

I managed to tell some of my friends and family before I left Sweden, and I have received many friendly and encouraging messages, and I thank you all whole-heartedly for those. I will get back to you all over the course of the next few weeks.